Better communication

https://www.inc.com/andrew-thomas/one-conversation-killer-thats-easy-to-fix.html

One of the biggest realizations I’ve had in my career is also one of the purest: the simple fact that people are drawn to likable people. It’s human nature. People want to do business with people they like.

Yet when you look around, you’ll notice that many people don’t make it a priority to learn the habits of likable people. They overlook honing the emotional intelligence needed to build great relationships and attract new levels of success.

Whether interacting with customers, vendors, partners, or employees, we can all make great strides in our personal relationships and career by raising our emotional intelligence (EQ).

Here are five traits shared by people with high emotional intelligence.

1. They attract more opportunities

There is a direct correlation between the development of my emotional intelligence and the number of opportunities that have come my way. When you build better relationships and come across as likable, people tend to share more information with you, make introductions on your behalf, and invite you into new opportunities. It’s been a big source of my success over the last five years.

2. They receive the benefit of the doubt

If you treat people well, you’ll get the benefit of the doubt. I’ve experienced this positive outcome in my own business life.

One time, while negotiating with a sizable company, we made an honest mistake which, frankly speaking, could have been interpreted as deliberate. But my counterpart quickly told me, “Andrew, I know you’re a good person. I know you meant no harm. We’re all good.”

The trust I had earned by building a meaningful relationship with this person gave me the benefit of the doubt–and an opportunity to move forward without any hiccups.

3. They are effective leaders

By building the soft skills associated with likable leaders, chances are you’ll find yourself earning greater respect, handling challenges with poise, leading your team through change more effectively, and communicating more persuasively.

4. They possess long-term vision

People with high emotional intelligence understand that entrepreneurship is a journey, and that success is a process. They are better able to handle the ups and downs of everyday life as a business owner. Emotionally strong entrepreneurs are able to stay focused on the long term and “stay in the middle,” while others with low EQ are often hurt by their impulses and unchecked emotions.

5. They can read people (and situations) better

People with high EQ foster their natural curiosity, asking questions–and then listening–to get to know people and situations better. By developing these traits, we can give ourselves a leg up to negotiate for better outcomes, build stronger teams, and neutralize any toxic relationships that are counterproductive to success.

Putting it all together

Many theorists have built on the idea that EQ is more important than IQ, especially when it comes to achieving our goals. Just as you can stretch your mind to learn more, knowing how to relate with others and interact effectively are skills you can develop. For as much time as you focus on thinking and your mind, focus on your emotional intelligence. Together, they will help you enjoy a new level of success.

There are a lucky few born with natural charisma – masters of working a room in seconds with handshakes and laughs. Candidly, I was not the most likable person in the room during my late teens and early twenties.

I admired the way likable people made me feel and how others people gravitated toward them. It hit me that our greatest gift is the way we make people feel. I wanted to learn the secrets of their success.

Starting in 2011, I started learning how to be more likable. The most effective thing I did was notice the behaviors and traits of the most likable people – and then adopt them as mine own.

Here’s a list of 39 things that the most likable people do on a daily basis – so you can do the same.

The 39 traits of likable people

1. They actively listen.
2. They make a great first impression.
3. They’re accountable for their mistakes.
4. They do what they say they’ll do.
5. They treat everyone with respect.
6. They ask questions instead of making assumptions.
7. They laugh.
8. They live for themselves, not to please others.
9. They follow-up.
10. They smile.
11. They remember your name.
12. They offer to help.
13. They aren’t afraid to make mistakes.
14. They send thank you notes.
15. They encourage others.
16. They speak slowly and confidently
17. They don’t judge you.
18. They apologize.
19. They forgive, but do not forget.
20. They don’t speak for you.
21. They know how to give a compliment.
22. They know how to accept a compliment.
23. They tell the truth.
24. They celebrate others.
25. They have good body language.
26. They don’t criticize others.
27. They give you their undivided attention.
28. They don’t make you feel defensive.
29. They don’t take credit for other people’s success.
30. They maintain good eye contact.
31. They let you do most of the talking.
32. They know how to have a tough conversation.
33. They admit when they’re wrong.
34. They are consistent.
35. They don’t interrupt.
36. They’re not afraid to be vulnerable.
37. They don’t exaggerate.
38. They can laugh at themselves.
39. They’re optimistic, without being unrealistic.

This is a way of life

Take notice that these behaviors are all about being a good person and making others feel good. They aren’t tactics and tricks. They’re a way of life. You will see dramatic change when you make the necessary effort to practice these behaviors and truly adopt them into your daily life.

Putting this into action

Meaningful change is achieved when you consistently make small improvements over time. My results came from focusing on one or two of these behaviors at a time, and practicing them in my interactions until they became a habit. Only then would I move to the next one.

Learning to be likable takes time, self awareness, and practice to authentically mold these behaviors into a natural routine. There are no shortcuts.  

If you don’t quite understand these items, then do more research. The two books that helped me the most were “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie and “Crucial Conversations” by Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and Ron McMillan.